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Coffee

“I tried it at my dad’s. It tastes like flaming barf.”

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Girlfriend

“Look, momma! I made my hair all nice and brushed my teeth really good so Dominica will really want to date me when we’re older “😂 How old is this kid even?! 😂

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Figures of speech

Talking about Infinity Wars:

Me: “I bawled my eyes out.”

Xander: “Did just the white part come out?”

Me: “What? No. Haha that’s just a figure of speech buddy. Just means I cried a lot.” 😂😂😂

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Sun shine

X: “Did you know that the sun has lots of lines coming off of it?”

Me: “Yeah, those are called ‘sun rays’.”

X: “That’s a fancy name for those, huh?”

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Magic

“You should get a machine that makes whatever you put into it.”

“That sounds like magic. That would be pretty cool.”

“No, like Daddy’s 3D printer! That’s not magic. That’s technology.”

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Game night problems

So we play Cards Against Humanity every week with some friends. Brandon read “Being a dick to children” and Xander was walking by and yelled out, “You’re a dick to children.” 😂😂😂 Dying